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Forgive Yourself (for real this time)!

Forgiving ourselves for our past mistakes and struggles can be the hardest thing to do.

Why?

Because we tend to be hardest on ourselves. We have hopes, dreams, and expectations for ourselves and when we don’t get the results that we want, we’re to blame, right?

If we were better, stronger, more talented, smarter, if we were better prepared and didn’t fuck around, if we didn’t procrastinate…you get the idea. There’s always something inadequate about ourselves, some flaw or undesired trait or characteristic that stands in the way of us succeeding.

So what do we do? We shame ourselves. We beat ourselves up, down, left, right, any which way we can because we believe we should be better. This shouldn’t happen to us. For other people, sure! We’re all human right? But not us. We’re exempt from the human defense. In fact, we consider that to be a bitter excuse.

Forgiving ourselves seems impossible when we don’t even consider ourselves to be worthy enough to be in the garden of forgiveness.

Our difficulty of forgiving ourselves can feel more or less challenging depending on the circumstances. For me personally, I’ve always struggled most with forgiving myself when I’ve felt weak, whether that weakness was physical, mental, emotional or spiritual. I pride myself on being a strong person and when I don’t measure up to that, I’ve struggled to extend compassion and kindness to myself.

To be honest with you, forgiving myself, consistently, has been one of my biggest struggles throughout every stage of my self-love journey. Forgiveness means to stop feeling angry and resentful towards a mistake or flaw. Giving myself permission to say, “It’s okay. I release my anger and disappointment” is easier said than done.

Forgiving yourself is an proactive process. It doesn’t happen overnight. Depending on the circumstance, it can take minutes, hours, days,  weeks, months, even years! The point is to never stop working on releasing your anger and resentment. You keep putting in the effort because you KNOW that you are worthy of forgiveness.

In my 60 day coaching program, Self-Worth Awakening, I have sessions that are dedicated to the process of forgiveness-of forgiving yourself and others who have hurt you. There’s a quote that I love that I share with my clients that I’d love to extend to you, “to forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.

We gain nothing from torturing ourselves in the jail cells we’ve created in our hearts. All we can truly do is accept this as our truth and actively pursue forgiveness because we are all worthy of setting ourselves free of the chains of anger and resentment.

So how do you do this? How do you forgive yourself? How do you thaw your challenging emotions through self-love?

Well remember that forgiveness looks different for everybody. It also depends on the circumstances. For example, as I mentioned previously I struggle most with forgiving myself when I feel like I’ve been weak, but for situations like not giving my all to every single one of my tasks, I can forgive myself more easily. That’s when I recognize that it can’t all be done always and that trying my best is more than good enough in my eyes.

So becoming self-aware of the situation and why you feel the way you do and how you react to different circumstances is always step one. With self-awareness, the rest of the process becomes much easier.

In my coaching programs, I have already done for you workbooks to help you become in tune with your awareness, but those exercises aren’t necessary to get started. All you truly need is a strong desire to start and stay committed to yourself. The process is always easier with a coach, someone who has walked the path and can showing you a road map of how to get through the challenges, but it can be done on your own. But I highly recommend looking into my coaching services HERE if you prefer to hit the easy button and manifest self-love in only a few short months.

The rest of the process can be done anyway that feels authentic and comfortable to you. The next steps are reflection, practicing compassion, acceptance and finally forgiveness.

Everyone’s process looks a little different. For me, I love reflecting through journaling and talking with friends and family about my feelings. But maybe for you reflecting looks like hitting the gym, running on the tread and letting your thoughts surface. Maybe it’s going to the beach, watching the waves and verbally saying aloud how you feel-letting the wind embrace your emotions.

Reflecting looks differently for everyone and the practices I mentioned are just a few ideas. Remember this can be done however feels authentic for you. The important piece of the puzzle is allowing yourself to express your feelings. This is the stage when you are getting  your thoughts and emotions out and gaining clarity on exactly how you feel.

Practicing compassion is the next step. Practicing compassion comes in waves for me. It starts off slow and it feels like I’m pushing myself to do it, and then slowly but surely, the more I do it, the easier and more intense it becomes. Showing yourself compassion is about being sympathetic towards your feelings and proactively taking action to comfort that suffering. You can do this through being kind to yourself through your thoughts, words and actions.

It’s about releasing the tension and to stop spewing venom. Compassion is the gentle hand holding that guides us to acceptance.

Acceptance is about acknowledging what is, what has happened being in the past and not being able to change what happened. Acceptance is not about making excuses about whatever transpired, but it does say, “Hey this happened and we can’t change it. All we can do is focus our energy and attention on creating a different outcome in the future.

Without the previous steps of reflection and compassion, acceptance feels like a bitter pill to swallow. It only further intensifies being a prisoner of our own creation so make sure you allow yourself to reflect and take time being compassionate to yourself that way when you arrive at acceptance, true genuine forgiveness will be right around the corner.

Forgiveness is a process but it’s a very important aspect of living a joyful and healthy life. Practicing forgiveness for yourself and others IS an act of self-love. I hope this post reminds you that you are worthy of setting yourself free of anger and resentment and that although it may take time, forgiveness is always a worthy self-love practice that you should stay committed to-no matter how long it takes to achieve.

Xoxo,

Elena

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