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Being Authentic > People Pleasing

I don’t want to rock the boat“, “I want them to like me!“, “If I speak my mind, they’ll think I’m unkind or selfish“.

Have you ever found yourself saying these things to yourself?

You’re not alone babe!

I used to say things like this to myself constantly, whether I was with family, friends, at work or engaging on social media. I was obsessed with worrying about how other people perceived me. I was afraid that if I were to be myself and say what was actually on my mind, that I would create friction that could threaten my chances of being liked-and I couldn’t bare not being liked.

I felt confident and empowered when others liked me. I would sacrifice parts of myself or go out of my way, working hard to please everyone I worked with, to show them, “Hey, look! I’m willing to make myself smaller so that you feel more comfortable and happy. I’ll sacrifice my happiness for yours. That clearly makes me a kind and lovely person, so now you have no reason not to like me!

Why did I do this? My relationship with myself was so fragile, depending on relationships with others, gave me a false sense of self-worth. At the time, it felt like a good plan. But to say that approach was exhausting would be an understatement.

No matter how hard I tried to please everyone around me, someone somehow was always disappointed to some degree. Everyone had their own level of expectations and trying to make everyone happy set myself up for failure. After awhile, I realized it was impossible to make everyone happy, so I focused on a few people that I would concentrate all of my efforts on instead everyone.

This helped for awhile too, but I still found myself compromising my authenticity in order to feel accepted by others. Sacrificing my relationship with myself made me insecure and lost in the motions of every day life. I questioned if the actions I was taking were in honor of me or if I was subconsciously trying to please someone else.

So I found myself at a crossroads, choosing between people pleasing to feel good about myself or choosing to be authentic and decide that liking myself was more than good enough.

The great thing about being at a crossroad is that whichever path you decide to take, will lead you towards a vastly different path than the other road. The scary thing about being at a crossroad, new terrain can be uncomfortable and difficult to navigate, making you wish you had chosen the other pathway.

I was able to overcome the uncomfortable terrain of being authentic > people pleasing through these 3 self-loving practices:

1. ME + ME – OTHERS = CONFIDENCE IN MYSELF

Verbally supporting my authenticity with specific reasons as to why I loved my choices, actions, thoughts, etc. from MY POV and removing other people’s perceptions from the equation, affirmed my decisions were in alignment with what was best for me.

2. Spending quality time with myself

It’s easy to get caught up in people pleasing when you are constantly surrounded by people! The more time I spent on my own, engaging in activities by myself, the more comfortable I got focusing on making myself happier. The happier I felt on my own, the easier it was to associate those feelings of happiness with my authenticity.

3. Journaling

In addition to having physical time engaging in activities with myself, I would journal often. We spend about 50% of our time letting our mind wander on things other than what we’re doing in the moment. All of that mind wandering can lead us down a rabbit hole of misleading self-doubt and self-consciousness. Journaling gave me the space to reflect on my thoughts in a focused free flowing manner. When journaling, you’re able to map out your thoughts and decide which thoughts to invest in and which ones to pass on by.

I’ll be 100% real with you, sometimes, it would be so much easier to people please than to be authentic. But, I anytime I’ve tried to dip my toe in the warm pool of people pleasing for the sake of convenience, I’ve regretted it. I physically feel my higher self take my hand and say, “No. Just because this is easier, doesn’t mean it’s worthy of you.

That’s the beauty of self-love. Once you embark on the journey, there’s no going back. Your higher self, will constantly remind you of your worth and that your relationship with yourself is sacred. That your body: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually is a temple. With time, people pleasing to feel loved and accepted by others, will feel like the more difficult path to take because you will know the value of your authenticity.

I invite you to practice the 3 self-loving exercises listed above to elevate your relationship with yourself. Do these exercises everyday for a week straight and I guarantee, choosing your authenticity > people pleasing will get easier everyday.

Xoxo,

Elena

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